I’m not going to lie. This post is half a shameless brag and half some new (repeated?) learning from a blogger life coach who has huge dreams of helping others to find a way to reduce their personal suffering, albeit mostly in her very limited spare time.
It is almost 18 months since I finished my coaching qualification. In that time, I have had a multitude of ideas for making the world a better place. There have been so many ideas for programs that I feel would be useful, so many ideas for books that I want to write, so many ideas for social media content that could change the world. And yet, I have not really accomplished anything other than blogging and posting on social media.
I was pretty hard on myself at first. This then led to a cycle of fear of failure and resignation about failing. I nearly gave up so many times, although something stopped me from doing so on each occasion (sometimes my husband’s wise words, sometimes my own self-reflection).
Three things happened that reduced this cycle and moved me forward:
- A friend and I decided last year some time that we would have regular accountability catch-ups with each other.
- I kept having conversations with coaching colleagues, because I had an opinion that if I could stay in conversation, I was still doing something on those days and weeks where I didn’t feel as though I was making progress with my programs.
- I remembered how I felt in those two years when I was receiving coaching and decided that perhaps some of that persistence, determination and grit might be useful.
Then, I kept going.
The Shameless Brag
This week (and here is the shameless brag), I released my first free training course. It is basic – a set of 6 or so 1-4 minute audio recordings that share my thoughts on how we can improve how we take action in conversation. Nothing big. Very simple. Possibly not earth shattering ideas. Also free.
Yet, I have now released it. Nothing else matters.
After months of not having a clue about how to make my projects happen, months of allowing my resignation and perfectionism to thwart my efforts to produce anything, months of feeling as though I was never going to achieve anything in this world of making a difference in the lives of others, I had successfully engaged determination, perseverance and grit and had released a simple course that shared a sample of my thoughts and ideas.
And it felt jolly good.
And then there was learning.
All those years ago when I was receiving coaching, I sat in a coaching conversation one day and told my coach that it was time for me to move forward, then provided him with a list of my goals for the future. I honestly expected him to laugh. I realise now that this was because I didn’t believe that I could achieve the things on my list, and so I expected my coach to not believe in me either.
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, my coach started to work with me to come up with a plan. In that moment, I remember thinking “Oh, wow. He didn’t stop to think that I can’t do this. He is just assuming that I will do it”. Then it was “Oh, wow. That must mean that the only thing stopping me from achieving this is me”. Then: “Oh, wow. It really is true. We can achieve whatever we put our minds to”.
That learning came back to me during the last 18 months: The only reason that you won’t do this is if you decide that you can’t. Everyone else believes in you.
At that point, it became a question, not of whether I could do it, but of what it would take for me to allow myself to do it. It was simply a matter of figuring out what combination of thoughts, moods and emotions, and body would support me in continuing and achieving.
When I had a way of being that felt useful, I found that the key was in taking time to stop and acknowledging how far I had come. Too often, we focus on where we have to go, and we don’t realise that we have travelled a distance to even get to that point.
It sounds simple and obvious. In my experience, it is not always simple and it’s not always obvious. Yet, it can be very much worth it.
Time to Reflect
So my questions to you are:
What is something that you have been telling yourself that you are not capable of?
What would it take you to give yourself permission to achieve this?
What thoughts, moods, emotions and body would support you in doing that?
How would it feel to make it happen?
How can you be that will support you in making it happen?
What would it take for you to say “I believe it me?”
FREE “Effective Conversations” Training!
If you would like to check out my free training, you are very much invited to do so. When you register for the training, you will obtain access to six short audio recordings that talk about some ways in which we can improve the quality of our conversations. There is no obligation. It is simply a free offer.